New York City Sick & Pretty

Flyer by Evan Baumeister for Cursed Out Prod./West Coast Haus of Bowery

Saturday was extremely uneventful. I got up at a reasonable hour and headed out to start mailing out my Kickstarter rewards. It was hot already at 11am, but thankfully the post office was quiet and no one else needed to use the automatic postage machine. So all of the small packages are out, but I’m still waiting on tshirts, so I have about 9 more to send out this week. I feel bad, because those people are the ones who donated the most- but I got a really great deal on the shirts from Dave. So I’ll be patient.

I headed to the grocery store next, and finished shopping for the party. With two big bags of groceries on my shoulders, I walked back towards home and stopped at the liquor store for a giant bottle of wine and some vodka for the jello shots. Riley invited me over to hang out on her roof, which I really wanted to do- but I was a mess from being out in the heat with all the bags, and still had a fair amount of cooking and cleaning I wanted to accomplish early. Plus, Matt messaged me that Nyack was flooding- surely our thunderstorm was on its way. So I got started on cooking and making the jello shots, which were an amazing accomplishment… I made them half red and half blue, with a layered recipe I adapted from Billy’s jello shot book. Yes, we have a jello shot recipe book. I cleaned the house thoroughly, and watched all of Skins series 3, and before I knew it, it was nighttime. Because of aforementioned flooding, Matt couldn’t get home, which was sad.

I got to bed fairly early, and woke up at 7:30 so I could go to the gym before work. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that. I was really proud of myself, though- I laid out my clothes, shoes, ipod, water bottle and keys by my bed the night before, and though I was tired, I got myself down there and felt amazing afterwards. I showered and did my makeup and hair so I wouldn’t be rushed before the party, and went to work for three hours, leaving a note for Matt of all the leftover tasks I needed done. His dad drove him home, so he was finally able to bring our new desk chair back from Nyack! It’s the small things that get me unreasonably excited. Everything looked ready for the party, so we got dressed, I filled my stuffed strawberries with cool-whip, and started in on the wine.

Friends started coming over around 2:30, people made guacamole, we stuffed our refrigerator, and eventually moved up to the roof to barbecue. Chris, Jen and I skewered shrimp… Bridget and Hannah came… Matt cooked things… it was all really nice. I was worried about rain, but it was actually fine all day, save about fifteen minutes of sprinkling sometime around sundown. I got wasted, people oohed and ahhed over my jello shots, I had a veggie burger… it was a really lovely day. It wasn’t a huge party either, like other years. It felt really manageable. People kept arriving into the night, but it’s rather blurry after a certain point. We ran out of food eventually. The guys played poker in the dining room. It ended with Bridget and I dancing, and setting up beds for all the Nyack friends all over the living room.

As for resolutions, I think I did a good job on Sunday at the party. Even though I get stressed about hosting, I was still nice to Matt and we had fun together. We had a good talk at some point during the night, and I think I’ve been showing a lot of affection lately. It was also good to be in a social situation, wearing not-pajamas, talking like grown-ups. Despite the partying and all that lately, I feel like I’m being a much more successful person lately- because I’m engaged with the things around me. I don’t feel like I’m missing everything anymore, and while I still occasionally get social anxiety, I’ve been connecting with so many more people.

Well, Matt’s been up in Nyack since Thursday morning, so it’s a little hard for me to follow through on Relationship resolutions if he’s away. I’ll tell you about my Thursday and Friday, though. They weren’t interesting. I biked to work Thursday morning, got caught in the rain on the way home. People were staring at me with my mascara running down my face like a crazy person. I ate my standard 10:30am lunch- when you wake up at dawn, all your meals are fucked up- and took a nap. Daphnie came and trained me, and then I was quite exhausted and laid around for the rest of the day. I did, however, send out a few emails to blogs asking for reviews. Might as well take some things into my own hands. I ate too much, stayed up too late, and had to wake up at 7 Friday morning.

In a sleep-state, I trained two clients, then got back in bed for a nap. Woke up feeling crappy, and had to go to Tribeca for another client. By the time I was on bike, slathered in sunscreen, I felt much better. My client had just gone through a breakup, and was feeling down, so we opted to go for a jog outside along the Hudson instead of staying in the gym. It was hot and amazing outside, and it had been a long time since we’d done that. It was great to run outside and look at the Statue of Liberty, and all that. After work, I bought a whole pile of bubble mailers so I could finally send out my Kickstarter rewards, which had been occupying the dining room table all week. I biked home, addressed my envelopes, and ordered some food. I started work on Skins series 3. Oh dear. I was skeptical that I could love another cast, but I’m a true addict.

I chose to be boring this weekend. We’re having a BBQ on Sunday, so I’m just holding out til then. I’m just working on being a grown-up, but I’m a binger. Of substances, of food, of TV. Sometimes I still feel like I just moved away to college, and I’m just astounded that there’s no mom telling me what I can and can’t do. I guess we just keep learning what independence is, and how to be successful at it, even nine years after the fact.

Kind of song I’d likely dismiss if a dude was singing it… but her voice makes every hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

maura:

yo this band is the truth. elaboration tk on the work blog in a bit but SERIOUSLY

On Tuesday, I had my early morning bike ride to work, despite the rain- I decided to just go for it. I didn’t wear mascara, wore a raincoat and brought a towel. My ride back was less wet. I had a couple more clients, then Matt and I had lunch and watched some Bob’s Burgers, which he just got me into. I was too tired to do very much, so I got my blogging done, plus some other work. Matt had intended to pass out flyers for my June show after the Garbage concert at Webster Hall that night, but really wanted someone to go with him. I was reluctant, but he couldn’t find anyone else, so I agreed to go. It would fulfill my “be lovely” resolution, whereas I had intended on just staying home in PJs. We went to the gym, then Matt cooked us dinner while I fell asleep.

After dinner, I got dressed up in a skirt and heels. I was exhausted and not feeling particularly outgoing, but it was nice to dress up and go out with Matt. We were early, so we got a beer in the East Village. After stopping by Webster Hall, seeing a few drunk people getting kicked out the back door, we heard that out that Garbage had another 45 minutes to go. So we wandered down to the Continental and had some more beer. I was really happy to be out on what turned out to be a date-like thing. We each took a stack of flyers and split up on either side of the club, and while it started out pretty awkward, it became fun as people wanted to stop and talk to me, or ask me questions about the show. Hilariously, one guy I handed a flyer to was like, “Are you Haley? I helped book your show- I’m so glad you’re doing this!” Look at me. Being proactive. We got rid of a fair amount of flyers, and then Matt and I went back to Brooklyn. I switched to flip-flops- those sandals seriously fucked up my feet.

Neither of us had work during day on Wednesday, so we decided to try the new bar by our house, Donna. We ran into Aaron on the way, randomly, and Donna was packed, so we walked over to The Woods. I hadn’t been there on a weeknight before, and it was really nice. Lots of people there, but not too crowded and plenty of space in the backyard. We had another drink, then headed home. Matt and I ended up staying up almost all night, and it was amazingly just like when we first got together. Really wonderful to feel couple-y again.

Unsurprisingly, we slept til 1pm. Eventually I headed out into town to pick up pills, groceries, and special bandaids for my mangled feet. I started some initial shopping for the Memorial Day party, and when I got home, Matt and I made a big list of everything we need to get. I couldn’t make the gym happen, because of the feet, so I just hung around until dinner. It was my night to cook, which means assembling the ingredients for taco night. My skills are limited. I had one client at night, and then Matt and I decided to NOT watch TV, but to play Scattergories! We used to play it a lot back at his old apartment, when he was quitting smoking and the time we both had the flu. It was really fun! It feels great to DO something. Eventually my brain shut down, and I settled in for five hours of sleep before early work.

These were two great days for the Relationship resolutions- we were affectionate, very supportive (talking about music and stuff all Tuesday night), vocally loving, grown-up on our night out, and seriously cut down on our lazy TV time. I’m really proud of us, I’m already feeling better about us as a couple.

You simply MUST.

https://www.facebook.com/events/357519160980067/

So yesterday was the first day of my next two week resolution period, and this time we’re going to be talking about Relationships. Or, well, my relationship. With my boyfriend. I have other resolutions about friends and stuff. But here we’re just focusing on Matt and I. We very rarely fight. In fact, so rarely, that I could probably tell you about each one we’ve had over the past two years. So this resolution isn’t going to be about getting along better, we have that down. We’re best friends. What I do need to work on, however, is making him feel like he’s more than just my best friend. And a few other things, too. Here’s what I came up with for my five mini-resolutions:

• show physical affection
• be supportive
• say loving things
• be grown-ups sometimes
• do something together away from the TV

We were together for about eight months when we went on tour together, and we had an amazing time, never argued, and were at each other’s side for two straight months. Right after that, at the beginning of last May, we moved in together. Shortly after that, Matt opened his record store in Nyack. Sometime in all of that, I’ve become less affectionate. We’re together less, and when he comes home from work, I’m usually in my pajamas and looking a mess. We’ve only just started to have matching days off- for most of the past year, I’ve been alone on my weekends, and worked through his days off. I know it’s important, but I’m never in the mood to be very lovey-dovey. So that’s something to work on.

I also need to be more supportive. With all of his frustration, anger and sadness about the store, I’ve really shut down. At first I was heavily involved, and it weighed so much on me that I was depressed all the time and more unhelpful than ever. As the year has gone on, I’ve disengaged quite a bit. But I do need to be there for him, he’s making a lot of decisions lately about what to do with his life. And “support” needs to be more of the genuine, unconditional variety- not always advice. I’m a big advice-doler-outer. It can be unattractive. I’m a know-it-all. So… stop it. “Say loving things” sort of combines those last two. But it’s easy to forget, after two years, that you still need to make someone feel attractive and loved.

The other thing you might forget is that there was a time when you weren’t only silly and gross. When you first met, nobody talked in silly voices or picked their nose. So even though being comfortable is so awesome, I’d like to remember to “be grown-ups sometimes”. And lastly, we need to do things without TV. It seems like TV works its way into every resolution, which is a testament to how much I watch it. Matt and I like to marathon TV shows, which is fun, until you’ve been lying in bed all day and you’re surrounded by take-out containers. I don’t mind still doing this sometimes, because honestly, we’ve always loved couching and watching movies all day, even when we first started dating. But forcing ourselves to be a little more creative and go for outings, or play a board game, or try a new restaurant by actually getting dressed and going to it. I think that would make us both much happier.

So, yesterday I was sort of formulating these mini-resolutions. And we did just stay in and watch shows when Matt came home. But I’ve been trying to make a conscious effort to give “proofs of love”, as Gretchen says in The Happiness Project. I did a good job with all my previous resolutions, too- aside from going outside, because it was rainy and awful. The greyness made me feel tired and cranky, but I got all my Kickstarter reward packages together, which was a big project. I went to the gym, and ate well. I am inordinately affected by the weather, but I think I held it together.

Ooookay, three days to write about. You know this means I got really, really drunk on one of them and subsequently gave up on everything. Day 12 was Friday, and I worked bright and early in Cobble Hill. Hooray, bike ride, you’ve heard this one before. I believe I spent the rest of my morning napping/watching TV on the couch. Oh! I did start emailing go-go dancers for the June show. And I plausibly checked some other things off my to-do list also. I dragged my super-sore body down to the gym (Daphnie killed my butt and hamstrings the day before) and ran a couple miles. Around 6, I got myself together and dressed like a person, and biked to band practice. We have a new Manimal! His name is Anthony, and he plays 2nd guitar, so we can sound enormous now. We ran through a few songs and got to know each other a little. I kept forgetting my words because I was listening to the new things he was doing. It’s too exciting. Matt was home when I got back (he usually doesn’t come home on Fridays)! He was cooking me dinner and got me flowers! It was our twenty-second month anniversary, which generally isn’t something we celebrate anymore, but hey, why not. It was a really nice night. And we finally got to watch the How I Met Your Mother season finale.

Saturday was a beautiful day. Well, I slept til 1:30 for some reason, then felt obligated to get outside. My body still hurt too much to lift weights, so I decided to bike into the city. I didn’t have much of a plan- but I DID put on sunscreen for the first time this spring, the smell of which just makes me happy. It had been a while since I biked a bridge, and I was surprised to find it way easier than the last time, which means my muscles are coming back. I biked past my old apartment on Avenue D, and to Tompkins Square Park, where there was some kind of dance festival happening. When it hits 80 degrees on a Saturday and everybody comes out…. New York just looks and feels exactly like the New York I imagined as a kid. It makes my heart explode, it makes me realize I never, ever want to leave this place. I parked my bike near Astor Place and walked up to Union Square through a street fair. I read The Happiness Project in the park for a little while. It was really lovely. It was almost 6 when I biked home. I spent the rest of the evening eating grape tomatoes in bed in my underwear, finishing series 2 of Skins. And crying. Because, you know. Skins is fucking depressing and totally wonderful.

I showered and got dressed and decided to go out to a party at Pat & Zoe’s apartment. My morning clients had switched to evening, so I figured it would be okay. And starting series 3 of Skins with the new cast would’ve just been the most depressing thing. I wore a summery dress, even. And drank wine whilst doing my makeup. This is the self I love. I got there close to 11, and spent most of  the time hanging out with Riley, because neither of us really knew anyone. We drank champagne… then beer… then took vodka shots (I literally cannot remember the last time I drank vodka). I was fall-down wasted when the small group of people I knew decided to go to a nearby bar. I couldn’t tell you where we were. But I think I had an ill-advised beer or two. I also think it was fun, but I blacked out. Eventually I got a car home, which was a hiccuppy ride, and must’ve been close to 3am, judging by the nonsensical, half-written texts to no one in my phone. I passed out with my strapless dress shimmied down to my waist- I must’ve forgotten I was wearing a belt and just given up.

When I got up at 11:30 to work, I felt terrible. It was a very confusing session for me, hopefully not for him, too. I collapsed on the couch with the biggest bowl of pasta I’ve ever made, and watched shitty TV for a while. I took a two hour nap a little later in the afternoon, then somehow got myself to work my last two clients. One nice thing was (pre-pasta) I weighed myself and I’d lost more weight! I felt like I had- I’ve been working hard. After work, I deposited the big, late check I’ve been owed for a week, thus saving my dwindling bank account. I picked up some bad food and went home to do more couching. It was a much needed waste of a day. This is a sad end to my Health weeks, I know, but overall I think they went well! I’ve had ups and downs with my discipline, but ultimately I think I’ve created some really great habits. I’ve been keeping up my Energy resolutions mostly, and if nothing else, I’ve been taking care of my fucking teeth and skin. That must count for something. I’ve worn clothes on several different occasions, which makes me feel so much better, and I can count the times I’ve ridden the subway on one hand. My exercise motivation is totally back- I’ve been strength training three times a week again, which makes all the difference. And I’ve been reading, doing crosswords, going for walks and playing guitar at some point each day- maybe not fully replacing the massive amount of time I spend in front of screens, but certainly making me feel a little better about it.

Matt came home around 2:30am from Virginia, but I was already asleep. I did wake up and freak out about how hot it was and turn on the air, but overall I got a full night of sleep and woke up at 9 for work. Why then, was I about to keel over all day? I had my lone client (I’m poor, guys) and came back up to spend a couple hours with Matt before he headed up to Nyack for the weekend. The ferry didn’t come so he was in a bad mood- he’s been down about the store since it opened and it’s really draining on me, too. I know, it’s all about me. But it’s hard to be the cheerer-upper all the time, especially when I’m not always feeling so great myself. And also when I have no answers for why a store does poorly versus why a store does well. I just want him to be happy again.

Daphnie came at 2, and I was so not in the mood to work out, but it was actually great. And really hard. I felt a lot better afterwards and insisted that I was finally awake, only to sit catatonic on the couch for an hour, and then nap for two hours. I forced myself into clothes and took a walk to deposit some checks, and decided to also get a cheap pedicure at one of the spooky places up by the train. My toenails are turquoise. I’m very pleased. It only cost $12 and so far I don’t have any deadly infections! I picked up some Wild Ginger- I literally eat from there at least twice a week, which makes me feel bad about myself, but it’s also kind of become my Thursday night thing. When I’m really beat from working out, and I can watch 30 Rock. My other rationale was that I had eaten mostly carbs all day, and I didn’t really have anything protein-based to make for dinner.

I got a little work done and went to bed. My jaw has been bothering me a lot lately, and I think it’s because I’ve been wearing my Invisalign retainer thing almost every night again. When I only used it once or twice a week, it would hurt a lot and I’d spend most of the night biting on it and fussing around. So now that’s a habit, and when you do that every night, it’s going to fuck up your TMJ. You try to do something good for yourself, and this is what you get! I need to stick it out, though. I like having straight teeth.

Woke up at the crack to head to Cobble Hill on my bike. It had rained, but was just starting to turn from hazy to sunny. My hair dryer refused to work (?) so I hoped my hair would just air dry- but it was so humid, it just stayed wet. I saw my two clients, and was done for the day! So, here’s a songwriting tip: get a melody ready, then hop on your bike and ride for at least an hour. Your song will be written by the time you get home. It helps if you have maybe a little bit written already, so you know how the lyrics should scan, but yes. Biking is the key. I can’t tell you how many songs I’ve finished this way. I had the entire second verse done when I got back to my apartment, so I wrote it down, edited a little, played it through a few times, and ate the rest of my ice cream. And my last vegan drumstick from the night before. It was 10 am. Ah well.

I ended up not eating until dinner. I tried to nap but couldn’t (SUGAR!!), so I watched some TV, caught up on a few emails, and made a quick recording of the song to send to the band. I am really so, so happy that I wrote something. It’s been so long, and it’s incredibly cathartic to create a song. In the late afternoon, I met Bridget to see The Dictator at Nitehawk. We had delicious food and the movie was hilarious. It became such a gorgeous day. I walked around for a bit and picked up a few groceries so I could stop ordering in for every meal. Around 9, I went to the gym, after painstakingly building an awesome ipod playlist (procrastinating). It had all kinds of crappy pop music and also amazing things like Sidewalk Driver and Shapes, and my workout was the best ever. I felt incredible and danced around outside in the courtyard for a while. I managed to not go crazy snacking afterwards, I just had raisins and a string cheese, and watched Top Model. All in all, a really good day. Spent plenty of time with a guitar instead of the TV/internet, worked out, rode my bike, got outside, crossed things off my to-do lists, saw my sister and went on a movie/dinner outing. Which involved dressing in clothes! Success.